Posted: 6:54 am Tuesday, August 26th, 2014

Are friends keeping you single? 

By Wise Diva

My friend Victor thinks he would still be with his ex-girlfriend if her friends had not interfered. There were many times when they planted seeds of doubt and made her second guess him. He believes those outside influences contributed to their problems.

This made me think about how some singles like to be single at the same time. When one gets in a relationship, the others may not always be happy for them. Some actively try to sabotage things! Obviously this is not what I call friendship. Is it possible friends are the reason some stay single?

I recall my friend telling me that her boyfriend spent too much time and money at strip clubs. He would say it is just where they all hung out. After she told him that it bothered her, he felt torn about not going with his buddies.

Are your dating choices influenced by your friends? How do you keep your friends out of your relationship?

32 comments
Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

Ya'll have a good rest of the day.  I'm about to leave for a membership drive in Lithonia.  Fun fun!!!

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Reio - there are some things folks have to experience for themselves before they "get it". Some get it sooner than others.

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Single - what a lot of folks don't understand is that parents are HUMAN and they are not going to get everything perfect raising you. Some advice mine gave me was due to age, some experience. They always taught me to follow my own mind and not allow myself to be easily led or influenced by others. Some think I may have taken it TOO far, but it all worked out. I have the greatest respect for my parents over everyone else I've ever known. Even if I chose not to take their advice on some things at the time, I certainly remember later that they "tried to tell me"! My mom especially, was I think ahead of her time on some things. She will forever be my shero. That's a tough act for any friend to follow. She & my daddy are the only ones I've ever really listened to. They are both gone, but raised me to handle myself well.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

Kimmie, I listened to my mama when I was younger, but later on I realized even her decisions were based on her life experiences, I need to live my own life, and have my own experiences. I give my sons advice, but it's always followed by you have to do what's best for you, and live your life. 

Reio
Reio

As a young adolescent/teenager, I  can recall many conversations my grandparents would be having with my three sisters. They were all older than me, but we were close enough in age that my grandparents didn't send me out of the room when they started talking to my sisters about "stuff".


Anyway, I remember thinking to myself, after these conversations, "Man, that makes sense.", and would wonder why in the hell my sisters didn't see it that way as well. Cause had they listened, they could have avoided a whole host of problems they encountered down the road.


By the way, I use the word "conversations" loosely, cause the truth is, I just happened to be in the room and overheard this good advice. I was never able/allowed to participate. But I learned a lot. My sisters? Not so much, at the time. They did eventually, but only after they had made mistakes that they could have avoided had they taken the advice.


Kimmie - You sound like my sisters, years ago. 

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

I make folks mad all the time cause you can't tell me nothing......

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

As for listening to your friends, I get what all you are saying. I've just always been a know-it-all that listened to very few. I listened to my mama & that's about it. I turned out fine tho.....

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

@DirtyBird-Rise-up @Reio Listen to your friends, but then don't go through life thinking "what if" when you still make the mistake don't think "I wish I hadn't listen to such n such". Older and wiser are still based on their opinions of what happened with their lives. They made the decisions they made for whatever reason they saw fit, I need to do the same thing. Your SAVVY friends usually going to spot something wrong with everyone you date unless they picked them out for you. and most of the time stuff they spot are the things you complain about. 

Reio
Reio

S&H - Older, wiser, and more experienced people whom you know are knowledgeable and care for you, can actually help you avoid some mistakes in the first place. Jus sayin. 

DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

Friends can help in some cases. If you have savvy friends they can spot something that you possible missed. I'm with REIO listen to people whom you know love and care for you. 


BlueGirl.....You need to listen to me, I will be over this weekend to go over some things...hehehehehe!

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

 Listen to yourself, and live your life. that way any mistakes will be your own and any good decisions will be yours also. no one to blame but yourself. 

Reio
Reio

Listen to people whom you know love and care for you and who, themselves, are considered by you to be wise.

Everybody else? Well, they can roast in hell.

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

Kimmie - I get what you're saying, but sometimes, your friends can see things that you may not see.  I won't base my life around what my friends say about a guy, but I sure will listen a little better in the future.  Just have to hope they don't an ulterior motive. 

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

When it came to my men, I guess I've just always been very independant. I figured I was grown so I didn't need anyone telling me who I should or should not see. Especially from someone my age that didn't have anymore more experience than me & whose own personal life may not be anything to write home about. As for my family, I know them better than anyone. I was careful who I brought around them. No bringing some thug in just to rebel ish. My folks don't play that. If I was not comfortable bringing them around my peeps more than likely I was not comfortable with them one-on-one.

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

Speaking of The Ex...I got a Facebook message from his fiance Saturday night.  It was so weird.  I did not respond and I blocked her so she cannot reach out to me again.

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

S/H - Yeah...even though some time was wasted, I did learn lessons...like, I know now what I will no longer tolerate from a man...

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Single - it's still classified as high school, even if one is past high school & still doing it!

Either way it is nothing more frustrating than dealing with such! Thank goodness I don't have to.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

@Kimmieakasmooth If only it was high school isht. to many grown folks live to please others in their lives. 


@Bluzgirl it's best that you found out the way you did, now maybe you want make that mistake again. 

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

Morning all!


I wish I'd listened to my friends more when it came to The Ex.  After we broke up, I realized just how happy ALL of my friends and family were that I dumped that loser.  If I had been a little more open to their opinions, maybe I wouldn't have wasted so much time with him...

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Morning all!

Sounds like some high school ish. A man that can't think for himself, easily influenced by friends or his mama need not apply. Men not boys rule my world, a play on a Prince song.

Yeah Victor blew it by not manning up. In fact even if ole girl's friends were planting some seeds of doubt, he just confirmed them by being a wuss. She probably was waiting to see if he would hold his ground & be a man & he failed.

Single - some folks really are not your friends. While I learned a long time ago to not tell friends or family even the smallest thing bad about my SO because while I had forgiven & moved on they still hold on to the bad. U have some that even when you tell them good things, they throw a negative spin on it! Best to just keep your business to yourself & recognize your REAL friends.

Reio
Reio

DirtyBird, couldn't have said it better myself. What's wrong with telling the truth and being up front with what you want? You don't need a mate that is overly influenced by friends. Nobody does.

DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

Ladies stop babying these men out here, have expectations to be treaty how you would treat them. Stop lying about small snuff, don't  be afraid to tell the truth.


Hey I'm dating to get married or I'm dating for FWB, Whatever you are looking for speak the truth....It will not hurt anyone...  Dirty wisdom tips of the day!


More to come........I feel like dropping some golden nuggets today... 

DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

Excellent point Single... Folks love to much drama these days, start living a good clean life and good things will come in your life.


Now SlimNu.... We can live together before we get married, you need to test out this motor....hehehehehe!

DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

Good Morning!


I totally agree with Realkat....Man-up or woman-up you are grown, handle your business. WD your friend lost his ex not because of her friends, but because he just did not get the job done. Simply put dude in her mind and heart did not fit the bill and she dumped him for someone else.


So many folks today come up with the lamest excuses, instead of looking at themselves. Dude you blew because you did not man-up... hehehehehe!


Hey where is Catseye early morning comments....C;mon catsey don't abandon us....

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

 How do you keep your friends out of your relationship? Either don't tell them your business, or take their advice with a grain of salt. 


Are your dating choices influenced by your friends? There is no one can influence my dating choices, family nor friends!! 


The problem with most people is they only tell their friend the things that upset them and that's what most people like to hear. We love drama! 

RealKat
RealKat

If you aren't a strong enough man or woman to think for yourself, then good riddance to that person.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

@Kimmieakasmooth this FB (radical) friend of mine who went to the same school as me, keeps posting about the things they didn't teach us in school concerning finances and government. I always follow it up by they did teach us that stuff, (they were required courses) the problem is we didn't listen, we had to go out there and live it first to realize what they were talking about. Like we have to do most things in life.