Posted: 7:17 am Thursday, August 21st, 2014

When you have two options 

By Wise Diva

The dating dilemma that most of us rarely experience: picking between two people. The first time I had to decide between two great guys, it came down to compatibility. My friend Alex is trying to determine who to pursue based on substance and sex.

The two women both are attractive, but one is a little more sophisticated and smart. They have only kissed. The other lady is someone from his past and they have a sexual history. He knows they have chemistry but is that enough?

Have you ever had a hard time choosing who to date? Do you think it is best to choose substance over attraction? We all have preferences but do you think it is about sticking with your type?

23 comments
Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Single - I think u will too. I just have that feeling about you.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

@skeeterN Let me clarify my statement. if you are no longer physically attracted to your significant other for whatever reason then there are some problems, people will look older, gain a LITTLE weight, but this shouldn't change to way you look at them, you should still be physically attracted to them. people have needs that can't be meet by just being together. 

Celisea
Celisea

I can't help it.....lol

Diva asked is it best to choose substance over attraction?? Naw, go with attraction and tell us about 10 years when the aging process has started.  And folks that teeter on such vainess forget they're gonna age as well. So uuum, yeah, go with the hawtie that's got rocks for brains

Celisea
Celisea

When you have two options?  Do the right thing and get it down to one.  And just like man to teeter on booty versus substance.  If you gotta ask, I say make the wrong decision and find out the hard way.  Anybody and everybody knows, if you're looking to settle down, what the obvious answer would be.  A chick from your past with sexual history sums it up.  She's in the past cause apparently something wasn't lasting, and it was physical. Had it been physical and then some, y'all would be paired.  Some things gotta be asked?  Advised??  C'mon!!

I could have found the always obvious holes in Diva's thinking, but Imma let it slide today. I'll just say I hope Diva was able to give buddy sound advice. Lawd I'm so hoping....lololol

skeeterN
skeeterN

Jim Brown,now in his seventies, was considered the greatest back of all time.....in his twenties, but his looks or physical hasn't faded??  M Jordan greatest basketball player of all time......in his twenties and thirties, now in his fifties, but his looks or physical has faded??  Tiger Woods, only 38 is the same as 28??  Pam Grier back in 70's is the same now??


Fading doesn't equate to bad, just changing......if you are living, there gonna be some changing.  COME ON MAN!!!  :-)

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Hey gang!

I've never really had this dilemma either. Whenever I met 2 great guys it did not take long for one to totally stand out from the other. And usually it was the one that showed the most intererest by wanting to spend time with me. Actually asked me out. Versus just talking on the phone. He who hesitates is lost.

I'm kinda with Single on this too- dude should be able to decide on the two ladies without sex being an issue. Sounds to me like the lady in the past is just someone he kicked it with that he clicks with physically. Got a feeling if he really thought there was more to their relationship then they would be together and the other lady would be a non factor. The new lady sounds like the full package. But if he can't see that.......(shrugs)

Reio
Reio

S&H - Well, I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree. Everybody's looks fade. Obviously, you can't be convinced of this, so I'll leave it at that.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

@Reio that's just it, everyone looks don't fade. all grandmas don't look like Aunt bee. there are some that looks like Lena Horne. Mother nature will come, and many use that as an excuse to just let themselves go and not care any more. If she can take time to get her hair and nails done then she can take time to go for a walk or to the gym.

Reio
Reio

S&H - Yeah, no wonder you're single as hell. There isn't a man or woman alive that does not know looks fade. This is not a knock on you, I'm sure you know this as well, after all, you are single, and that's fine. Your choice. But, if that's all there was in the beginning, one SHOULD get divorced and go one's separate ways. Cause there's nothing left.


Hell, my wife isn't as physically attractive as she was when we met. I knew then that it was coming, but the things that really attracted me to her in the first place are largely intact. Haven't changed throughout the years. Her physical attributes have changed. Father Time & Mother Nature have done a job on her. It's a part of life and aging.


Of course, I've managed to escape this from happening to me thus far(Doctors kaint explain it), but maybe in, oh, I don't know, say, 60 years, mine will begin to fade as well. Then again,  maybe not. Hehehehe...

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

@Reio since I've never been married, I'm speaking from the single side, but if looks start to fade and physical attraction is not there, then like most. it's time for a divorce so we can go our separate ways and be happy. 

Reio
Reio

This guy must be  a "yungun" cause he's "....trying to determine who to pursue based on substance and sex."

Granted older fellas struggle with this kind of foolishness as well, but the younger one's seem to be more likely to see this as a dilemma.

RealKat
RealKat

It seems that if you've had this experience in the past and made a choice (and you are still single), then you made the wrong choice originally. If this guy has a sexual history with this woman and they are still "together," then why didn't it work before? What makes him think it will work this time? And, it sounds like she might be ready to rev things up again later if he chooses bachelorette #1.

Reio
Reio

I think this system, after the change, has wiped a lot of people out. I had pretty much given up until yesterday, on a whim, I decided to try to log on with my original password, one that I've had for years, the same one that it wouldn't let me use over the past couple of months, allowed me in. If it happens again, I'll just quit. Tried to create a new ID and password, but it kept sending me around in circles. Weird.

Reio
Reio

Betcha neither of these women knows abut the other one, cause they would make the decision for him. Jus sayin.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

@DirtyBird-Rise-up not enough info,. seems they both are on equal standings so far except for the sex. He should be able to make a choice without the sex being involved. 

DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

We all have options when it comes to the dating world. There are some incredible single available ladies who bring plenty to the table. Hopefully she is ready to be romance and you are ready to provide the finance. hehehehe! 

Reio
Reio

Morning all.


Still trying to figure out why this system wouldn't let me get on the last couple of months or so. I've been checking in, but couldn't log on. Go figure. Anyway, I've never been in this position. If I started a relationship, I paid attention to her to the exclusion of all others. So, I wouldn't be able to comment much on this. To each his or her own. I suppose I'd choose substance over attraction every time. Looks fade. Physical attraction diminishes.Then what?

DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

@Single & Happy ...What it do Single? 


Man are you sleeping, you did not post one of those common sense statements about who to choose.


Me if I have 2 ladies who bring different options to the table, I am going to date both of them until one finds out about the other one...hehehehehe!


I prefer to have substance and attraction, I cannot do without it. Although in the past, I have dated ladies, I would say was not beautiful, but the chemistry and the way they carried themselves made them very attractive.


SlimNu...Man the bullet did your hand in! Lay off the bullet....hehehehehehe!