Posted: 5:00 am Monday, August 4th, 2014

Dating: When you’re not the only one 

By Wise Diva

A reader, Jan, wrote in asking for advice on what to do about her situation. She believed the man she had been seeing the last few weeks was only pursing her. She find out that wasn’t the case when she spotted him at a restaurant with another woman.

Ok, can I just say that this happens in Atlanta all the time? It seems as if people would just be upfront just to avoid awkward scenes at Buckhead restaurants. But, I digress. The encounter caught her off guard and left her feeling unwanted. Would you want to continue to see someone after you realized you aren’t the only romantic interest they were pursuing?

Do you think Jan should seek out other guys now that she knows the man she is seeing has other plans? She said that he informed her that was only the second date she saw him on. He was “unsure” if there would be a third one and reassured her he still wanted to date her. What would you do?

19 comments
Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Dirty - if u r not the CEO of your own fan club, then who is?lol!! Damn skippy I'm the best! Lol!!

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Dirty - I'm the best hands down & the CEO of my single-person corporation! Lol!! My husband would agree too!

I agree that she should not have assumed they were in a relationship or he was only dating her & I said as much in my initial post. That's dating 101.

DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

SLim-Nu,Kimmie and Celisea belongs in the bat Kra-Kra club....Who is the CEO of the club?


Ladies I am just taking a cue from the notes.why would anyone believe that after dating for a few weeks, the other person is only dating her.....


Leggs1.5..... I thought it was admirable that dude even told her about the situation. Truly it was nonya situation. 


All the ladies here absolutely are the best in their own mind. lol

Leggs123
Leggs123

Dirty what he did can be seen as being stand up, but he didn't need to go into detail that this is his 2nd date, may not be a 3rd.  Being stand up is simply saying "yeah I was out on a date." (lol)...no explanation needed

Celisea
Celisea

I had to sign back in and "snort laugh" at DurtyBurd, talmbout some folks are bat crazy.  That is the FIRST laugh I've over here in months.... That was hilarious

If anything, this is bout the craziest I've heard.... "Women want it all, you want dudes to pursue you, spend time and money on you, then we should have no expectation of receiving something in return. Who stated you are a prize..What, What?"

If I don't think and carry myself like a prize who else will?  Soooo, women should doomat out cause they ain't nuthin?  Just how you men like it....and the biggest laugh of all.

I'm gone back to work and to eat my leftover pizza 

SlimNu
SlimNu

@Kimmieakasmooth  I was wondering the same thing...sounds like something personal there coming out. lol

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Dirty - where is it where Jan said she wanted "it all" from dude & gave him nothing in return? I must have missed that part!

Slim - lol, yep like the pot calling the kettle......

DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

I thought what dude did was stand-up, he could have lied and stated this was a co-worker or relative. He is letting her know,hey I am still on the dating scene. Since when did dating mean relationship? Women want it all, you want dudes to pursue you, spend time and money on you, then we should have no expectation of receiving something in return. Who stated you are a prize..What, What?  hehehehehe!


Many of you out here are bat crazy...


DirtyBird-Rise-up
DirtyBird-Rise-up

Good Mornting!  Dating has changed, folks need to understand until you have that conversation we are dating exclusively. anything is possible. Folks need to be taught about dating expectations, 

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Leggs- I agree. And folks just coming in to say "oh this is bad" & then leaving doesnt seem to really be helping either. :)

Leggs123
Leggs123

Hey kimmie/SlimNu ~ it's not over until the fat lady sings, rather until WD pulls the plug!  It is quite disheartening to see the demise but perhaps something is being done behind the scenes to breathe some life into this blog.

SlimNu
SlimNu

We need to have a memorial service for this blog....

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Hey Gang!

First of all, since when did seeing your date out with someone else get to be an "Atlanta" thing? Especially since it's obvious they had not had the exclusivity talk? Jan must be young or just really green, because you NEVER think you're the only one until that's been spelled out. Otherwise assume the other is dating others. And yes Jan, get out there & date others yourself! You don't need to write in to figure that out. And I would have sweetly let dude know he wasn't doing me any favors trying to "assure" me that he still wanted to date me TOO! Trust, I would let him know I'm not that hard up!

Leggs, I agree he could have kept that mess!!

Celisea
Celisea

Diva....you got folks writing in for advice when they can clearly see no one is pretty much here (most days) to answer?  Or, are you making this up?  LOLOLOLOL

Anyhoo, I'll take a stab...First off, IMO this don't sound real?  Diva, why would you be asking if Jan should seek other guys when, from your first paragraph she saw her potential dude booed up with another?  If you gotta ask after seeing it in your face, I'm not sure even the soundest of advice would help, or even make sense. If this "supposed" Jan is STILL asking after seeing her potential dude out, Imma saw naw, keep on dating him hoping you'll get top pick of his rotation.....HECK YEAH you should not only seek better, but be done with this dude.  And I could say "unless y'all discussed exclusivity", but I don't have to cause apparently y'all didn't.  Then he tells her that was second date with ole girl?  C'MOOOON Jan and Diva!!!  You gotta ask what to do next????

Leggs123
Leggs123

Until they had the conversation that they are exclusive she should think someone may have been in the picture before her.  Dating is somewhat a competition.  You put your best self forward in the hopes of knocking out whatever other competition may be lurking.  He will settle on the one he wants.  Now, if you don't want to play, get out of the running.  Again, until you two are dating just each other, go out and date too.

However, with him saying he's only been on a second date with the other one and there probably won't be a third date is something I think he could have kept to himself.  With one telling me  that, I would cool my jets and let him do him until he decides who he wants to spend time with.

RealKat ~ she must have informed him since he told her that was only the second date she saw him on.

Good morning.

RealKat
RealKat

I can't imagine this happening, but I suppose it does. Did the guy take the other woman to a better restaurant than he took "Jan" to? That would be a very telling point. Does the guy know that "Jan" saw him with someone else? Unless there's been a discussion, I think anyone dating these days should assume that there is no exclusivity.