Posted: 6:13 am Thursday, July 17th, 2014

Are you just the placeholder? 

By Wise Diva

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Call me old school, but I am used to knowing whether or not the man I spend time with has good intentions. It’s not enough to talk a good game and kick me slick lines, men let me know what’s up with their consistent actions. This is why I don’t get why some women don’t clearly know where they stand. Sometimes it’s about you being the chick he has in a playpen until the real deal comes along.

My guy friends often get mixed messages from women too. They believe the women they pursue are interested and may even get a bit of reciprocity. Some women master the art of using men as placeholders. They justify their actions and rationalize their behavior but the bottom line is that is wrong. Women should state their intentions to men as well. You only want a sugar daddy or sponsor? Don’t introduce the guy to family and friends. That’s cruel and misleading.

I think people overlook warning signs that they are just placeholders. What do you think are clear indicators that you are the stand-in until the ex comes back or until someone “better” comes along?

Photo credit: quoteko.com

34 comments
Celisea
Celisea

What is this placeholder Diva speaketh (se e that) of?  Semantics!!  If you're occupying a space as boo, gf, luva, spouse, you are holding  place.  Getting played....or not won't negate the fact that you're sitting in a space....thus space holder.  Only the single or lonely can stake claim to "I ain't holding space.  :)

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

Anyone have anything exciting going on this weekend?  I'll be stuck at home working on a paper and studying for my final.  Ugh!

Leggs123
Leggs123

I don't need $2500 like 2C always ask for.  I just want to buy a nice white outfit for the white party.

Leggs123
Leggs123

Single ~ can I have a $100 instead?

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

I'm so grateful it has been slow at work the past couple of days so I can study some!

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

I agree. Recognize the truth when u see it. Hopefully u see it. Move on & keep living.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

 Rationalizing is making excuses ding ding ding, give that woman a cupie doll (LOL) 

Leggs123
Leggs123

You don't necessarily have to "rationalize" why something ended.  Face the truth, accept and move on.  No need to rationalize.  Rationalizing is making excuses.  Accept it for what it is and K.I.M@

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Single - I agree. What I said covers all of that - everything happens for a reason & recognizing what role u played is part of that. A big part is admitting to yourself that u may have overlooked obvious signs because u want something to work so bad. In a lot of instances, u have no one to fault but yourself for allowing yourself to be treated in such a way.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

Kimmie  the only way it's going to help is if you rationalize and realize what part you played in the demise of the relationship.  Because you're the only one from the last relationship that's going to be in the next relationship. If all your rationale is about what they did wrong then you're going to keep having the same problems. 

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

U can call it rationalizing or whatever. There is a reason for why some relationships don't work out. Recognizing why, other than it just was not meant to be, can be healthy. Especially if it's something you can possibly avoid in the future. If nothing more than just recognizing a situation for what it is or might become. Again, just a chance u take when dating.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

Leggs. all relationships are not going to work out the way we want them too, that's life. If you decided to stay for what ever reason, on up to your part in it, don't try an rationale it by saying you were a place holder. 


From the article, didn't get the idea she was upset, all I can go by is what I read, she" mentioned it" he went "berserk, and started attacking her". Some people don't have a problem with those type of things. 

Leggs123
Leggs123

Seems she waited for a time to address it, but picked the wrong venue.  Single, sometimes you can't address things as soon as you witness something.  However, not sure how I could have sat on something like that and still be around you (lol)!!

Leggs123
Leggs123

Single ~ not necessarily.  You can still be in a relationship and be a placeholder.  All it means is the relationship isn't progressing the way you want it to. The only way you're not a placeholder is to get out from under something that's not working for you.

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

Slim I was trying to figure out why he got made, seems she was okay with it (LOL)  

SlimNu
SlimNu

Why beat her up if he in fact DID have sexual relations with another dude...don't be mad...lol

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

Saying you were a place holder is just the another way to rationalize whey a relationship didn't work. 

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

@Leggs123 That woman was dumb to bring that up at that time.  Wow...

Leggs123
Leggs123

That's why I'm still walking solo...not gonna be a placeholder...me no can do!  I agree with kimmie in terms of those that intentionally are playing with you.  

I'm hungry too, went to pick up tix so I missed breakfast.

SlimNu
SlimNu

Morning all,

Dang, just had this 65yr old dude trying to talk to me and he kept going on and going with it. My boss even had to get the secretary to come in and save me. CREEPY Creeper lol

I'm hungry already

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

I'm so sleepy this morning.  I think my brain is just tired from so much studying this week!  Just gotta make it through Tuesday and then I have a break before fall semester... 

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

People who intentionally do it suck!  :-)  I have felt like I was just a placeholder before and it's a terrible feeling.

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Bluz - I guess that's a way to look at it. I guess I'm thinking the topic is addressing the "intentional" ones tho. Those that know good & well they have no interest in building a real relationship with u & r just going thru the motions to get what they want. Then throw u out like last weeks garbage.:(

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

Kimmie - It's true to some extent.  I don't think it's intentional 95% of the time.  

Kimmieakasmooth
Kimmieakasmooth

Morning All!

Bluz - you really believe that, think that way?

I do think that many overlook the obvious. At the least, there should be a clear understanding of what the 2 of u r looking for. Problem is, I think a lot of people know that if they state their true intentions - nothing serious but want sex, a sugar daddy, etc, they know 9 times out of 10 the other person won't stick around. So they talk a good game & dangle that carrot just enough to get what they want. This is the chance one takes when dating - that in spite of what a person may say or even do, they still might not be on the up & up. Even the best of us can get got.

Bluzgirl
Bluzgirl

Isn't everyone a placeholder unless they are "the one"?


Morning

Single & Happy
Single & Happy

Morning all


Place holder, ummm yea. Life is about taking chances and not worrying about the, what ifs.